Friday, September 28, 2012

the rainbow after the storm

Today started out bad. Then it got worse.

Let me start off by saying...I got three hours of sleep last night. Enough said, right?

With that in mind...

Today was Makailee's school carnival. Josh and I decided it would be less stressful if one of us took just the girls to the carnival. So, Josh took the girls to the carnival and I decided I was going to be really brave and attempt to take Jax to get a haircut.

Back story here: Jax hates having his hair cut. Okay. That's a major understatement. It terrifies him. I usually end up holding him down and shaving it all off when it becomes out of control long. Last time I took him to a hair salon to have it cut, he ran out of there as soon as he realized what was going down.

Anyway, his hair is super long again, and I decided I was going to be brave and attempt to take him to a salon to have it cut. I had both boys with me, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for even attempting such a feat.

I had made an appointment with the salon earlier that day. It was all set! The boys and I walk in, sign in, and have a seat. The girl tells us she'll be with us in a few minutes. No problem, right? Wrong. As I'm sitting baby down, Jax walks over to a couple of guys sitting across from us. He says hi to them. They ignore him and look at him like he's from another planet. My heart sinks a little bit.

I have Jax sit on my lap. Baby hops off the chair and wants to run around. I stand up to grab him. Jax walks over to one of the guys and before I can grab him, yells, "booooo!" pretty loudly and laughs. The guy pushes Jax away from him, then mumbles something while looking at my sweet little boy with total disgust.

I say to the man, "What did you say?" He says in an extremely angry voice, "I SAID, you better keep him away from us and I mean it!"

There was another older gentlemen sitting by us who didn't say a word. Just looked at me, then turned away.

I was so humiliated and sad. I kindly asked the girl to cancel our appointment. I grabbed my boys, and we left.

There were SO many things I wanted to say...but I knew if I stayed any longer, I would have ended up crying and I did not want them to see me cry. I needed to be strong.

I drove back to Makailee's school carnival feeling totally defeated. I let the boys play on the playground.

I noticed a little girl kept following Jax around. They started playing together. I watched as they sat in a little plastic hammock together for about 30 minutes. They talked. She kept laughing. Jax was really enjoying himself. What struck me even more was how much the little girl seemed to be enjoying his company. The little girl turned to me and started talking to me. She told me they were having so much fun together. I asked her how old she is. She's six. Same age as Jax.

I asked her, "So, you guys are having a lot of fun, huh?! What do you like the most about playing with him?" She said, "He's really funny and sweet. Just like me."

I continued to watch them play together. It took a lot of the hurt away that I was feeling.

While the sting is still there, and probably always will be, there are beautiful moments, too. They are there.

I've learned the only way I can get through all of this with a smile on my face is to look for the rainbow after the storm.